funny sayings, true sayings

Here are 30 best funny but truth sayings and quotes. I know you are searching for funny sayings and quotes. Find best funny quotes and truth sayings that suits to your life. 

“Intelligence is like underwear, it’s important that you have it
but there is no need to show it off.”

“At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.”

“1+1=3 if you don’t wear a condom.”

“I may look calm, but inside my mind I’ve killed you 20 times in 5 minutes, in 20 different ways.”

“Kissing burns 6.4 calories a minute………….. wanna workout?”

“The biggest suspense of life is that
you never know the person who is praying for you and the person who is playing with you…..”

“It’s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people’s head.”

“Why are people so silly in asking “is it raining outside?” damn it, of course it will rain outside not inside.”

“Everyone is beautiful in their own unique way.
Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.”

“The world is made up of people who either impress with intelligence ….
Or amaze with stupidity.”

“Money doesn’t buy happiness?
Well it does buy a jet ski.
Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?
You can’t be said on a jet ski?”


“Commonsense is not a gift, it’s a punishment because
you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.”

“If you fall, I will be there –by floor.”

“Men discovered word and invented conversation.
Women discovered conversation and invented gossip.”

“I want an iPhone with BBM and a Nokia battery.”

“Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer,
and my alarm clock is the police.”

“You never realize what you have till it’s gone.
Toilet paper is a good example!”

“For all the girls that say ….. All guys are the same ……
Who told you to try them ALL.”

“Be with the guy who ruins your lipstick, not your mascara.”

“The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people
more crazy than seeing someone actually living a good life.”

“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”

“Dreams are free…’s making them come true that costs so much.”

“No matter how old you are, you will always run for the swing in the park.”

“If olive oil is made from squeezing olives, then how is baby oil made?”

“We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police!”

“I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font. :P”

“If women could read MINDS, Every second man will get slapped…”

“Better days are coming. They are called: Saturday and Sunday.”

“I don’t know how people can fake whole relationships.
I can’t even fake a hello to someone I don’t like.”

“No matter how old I get, I’m still gonna mentally sing
the ABC’s to see which letter comes next.”

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